How to Get Over a Relationship with a Narcissist in 7 Actionable Steps

Leaving a relationship with a narcissist can feel like waking from a perplexing dream. You might find yourself questioning what was real and what was a mirage crafted by someone who seemed to know exactly what to say and do to keep you close. 

It can be hard to accept that the person you cared for has left you entangled in a web of confusion and self-doubt. If you're here, chances are you're looking for a way to navigate this fog. Our guide will help you understand how to heal and move forward with strength and clarity.

Jump to:

Narcissism is more than just an obsession with selfies or an inflated ego. It’s a complex personality disorder characterised by a deep need for admiration, a sense of superiority, and a lack of empathy for others. Dealing with a narcissist can leave you feeling invisible, undervalued, and alone, particularly if you have a close relationship with them.

Getting over a narcissist is particularly challenging due to the complex dynamics that characterise these relationships. The cycle of idealisation, devaluation, and discarding plays a significant role in this difficulty. Initially, the narcissist may shower you with attention and praise, making you feel incredibly special and valued. However, this phase is often followed by one where your worth is questioned, and your self-esteem begins to erode, leaving you in a state of constant emotional turmoil. The abrupt shift from being idealised to devalued without clear reasoning can make you doubt your perceptions and worth, a tactic known as gaslighting, further complicating the healing process.

Moreover, the manipulation tactics employed by narcissists can create a toxic and confusing emotional landscape that is hard to navigate after the breakup. These tactics, designed to control and dominate, can leave deep psychological scars, making it difficult to move on. You may find yourself constantly questioning the reality of your experiences and the validity of your feelings, which can impede your recovery. The loss of a relationship that once seemed to promise so much can lead to a sense of grief and loss. This complex web of emotions and challenges is what makes getting over a narcissist a uniquely difficult journey.

Luckily, moving on from a narcissist is possible, no matter how traumatic your relationship was. Follow these seven steps to heal and move forward:

The first step in healing from a narcissistic relationship is acknowledging that you have been subject to narcissistic abuse. This abuse can take many forms, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological control. Recognising these patterns is crucial in understanding what you've been through and why it's so challenging to let go.

You don't have to go through this alone. Support can come from friends, family, therapy, or support groups. These sources can provide the empathy, understanding, and validation you need to heal. Dealing with a narcissistic ex can leave you feeling isolated, so reconnecting with others is a powerful step towards recovery.

If you're wondering how to deal with a narcissist ex, remember that setting firm boundaries is key. This might mean no contact or involve very strict limits on when and how they can communicate with you. Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional well-being and ensuring you don't fall back into unhealthy patterns.

Self-care is essential during this time. This means prioritising your physical, emotional, and mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that's exercise, reading, or spending time in nature. Self-care helps rebuild the sense of self that can be eroded in a relationship with a narcissist.

Narcissistic relationships often leave people with shattered self-esteem. Rebuilding this takes time and effort. Start by practising self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk. Celebrate your strengths and achievements, no matter how small. Remember, healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, and every step forward is progress.

Understanding narcissism and its effects can be incredibly empowering. Learning about narcissistic personality disorder, the cycle of abuse, and recovery techniques can provide clarity and validation for your experiences. This knowledge can also protect you from future narcissistic relationships.

Healing from a narcissistic relationship is not linear. There will be good days and bad days. It's important to be patient with yourself and embrace the healing process, understanding that it takes time to recover from narcissistic abuse. Acknowledge your growth and the strength it takes to move forward.

It's common to miss your narcissist ex despite the pain they caused. This longing often stems from the intense cycle of idealisation and devaluation in narcissistic relationships, which can create a powerful emotional bond. Recognising this as a normal part of the healing process can help you overcome these feelings.

Detaching emotionally from a narcissist requires a conscious decision to prioritise your well-being and mental health. It involves setting firm boundaries, limiting or ceasing contact, and redirecting your focus to activities and relationships that support your healing. Practising mindfulness and self-compassion can also help you stay grounded in your own experiences and feelings rather than being caught up in the narcissist's emotional turmoil.

After a breakup, narcissists may engage in a variety of behaviours aimed at regaining control or attention. This can include hoovering (attempting to suck you back into the relationship), spreading misinformation about you, or even portraying themselves as the victim. Recognising these tactics for what they are — attempts to regain control — can help you maintain your boundaries and focus on healing.

Narcissists might claim to miss you after a breakup. Still, it's crucial to remember that their sense of missing someone is often about missing the attention, admiration, and control they had over you rather than missing you as a person. This understanding can assist in detaching from the need for their validation.

Healing from a narcissistic ex involves a multifaceted approach: acknowledging the abuse, seeking support, setting boundaries, focusing on self-care, rebuilding self-esteem, educating yourself about narcissism, and embracing the healing process. It's a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and often, professional guidance.

Letting go of a narcissist you love is challenging but necessary for your well-being. It involves accepting that the relationship was harmful, understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, and committing to your healing journey. Surrounding yourself with supportive people and engaging in activities that affirm your worth and independence can also aid in this process.

Narcissists may exhibit behaviours that seem like care after a breakup. Still, it's important to distinguish between genuine care and actions driven by their own needs and desires for control or attention. Their primary concern is often how the situation affects them, rather than a true empathy for their feelings or well-being.

Embark on a journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse with our Dealing With Narcissism Diploma Course, crafted to offer insights and strategies for effective healing.

We are excited to offer our Dealing With Narcissism Diploma Course at the special price of £29, saving you over £100!